Okay. I know is just wrote a post about slowing down, taking in each moment and enjoying where I am while I’m living it. But after much thought and meditating on it I think I’ve found the source of why I have a hard time staying where I am and being able to enjoy that particular moment. GUILT.
Dictionary.com defines guilt:
the fact or state of having committed an offense, crime, violation, or wrong, especially against moral or penal law; culpability: He admitted his guilt.
a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined.
Or a more reliable source, UrbanDictionary.com:
An unfortunate side effect that results from being overly exposed to morality.
I believe that my guilt stems from a syndrome that my friend has named I-should-be-doing-something-more-productive-than-this syndrome. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a pretty lazy person. I love to and often do sit around, drink coffee and read or watch a movie: but in the back of my mind I’m thinking: I should clean my room, I should have done a harder workout, I should write a blog post, I should go for another run, I should be reading about Buddhism instead of this novel, I should I should I should…
I should all over myself every damn day. I propose that we all stop shoulding on ourselves. Or at least I’m going to try and stop, you can do what you want, maybe you don’t have this problem and you can tell me your secret. Shoulding is messy, it’s pointless and it doesn’t help anyone with anything. And who’s to say that what I am doing isn’t what I should be doing?
I tend to think of relaxation, non-educational books, general hanging out as a crime of some sort. It somehow, in my 26 years of living, has been defined and ingrained in me as something I think is morally wrong. That itself is so wrong—learning to relax is going to be key in enjoying the next two months of travel.
I’m buckling up, slowing down and telling guilt to shut the hell up and go away. Got any good book suggestions?